Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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