i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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