I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
