Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize