The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
