both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize