Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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