Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
