Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
