I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
