If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
