oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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