Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
