i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
