Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
