My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize