so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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