Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
