Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
