Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
should my penis look like a turkey
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize