if you like me you must not know who I am
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
