the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
