she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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