Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
