I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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