Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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