I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
