You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's get the cat blown out
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
