I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize