I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize