he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
