Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My hand turned me down
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
