I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
