Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
