At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
