Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
