I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
