you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
