capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
