Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
