Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
