I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
