I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
