The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
