My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think my vagina is haunted
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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