therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
