the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
