i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
