I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
