we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
