Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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