He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
