That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
