I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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