I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
