Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
too bad you live with your parents still
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
