Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
