you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
