Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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