if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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