Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
