dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
