I wanna passion pit in your ass
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
