Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
