he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Drunk is not a location!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All the doctor said was why
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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