:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
