LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize