Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
