I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
