He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
