apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
