I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
