you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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