I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
